Losing at chess game.

Three days ago, while I was going to work, I received a call I hoped I never ever did.
It was a friend of mine, asking if I knew something about what happened.

What the fuck happened?

I was already quivering. She never calls, only in case of emergency and that was it.

“Eleonora had a car accident this morning, she died.”

Everything fell apart.

Eleonora was one of my friends. We met each other six years ago, in high school.
She was my very first deskmate.
I clearly remember that moment: a little, shy, scared me was sitting in silence in a desk in the middle of the class. Everyone at the back was talking, saying jokes and socializing.
Not me.
She walked into the class with large pants, a very colorful shirt, white and pink glasses and too many rings on her hands. Her taste in fashion was so questionable you have no idea.
She looked at me for a couple of seconds and then she asked if she could sit next to me. I nodded my head yes. She had the weirdest accent I’ve ever heard and when the teacher asked us to introduce ourselves saying who we are, what hobbies do we have and similar stuff, everyone laughed at her, not because she was embarrassing but she used to talk in a funny way, like she couldn’t spell “s” but “sch” instead.
It’s painful to hear in Italian.
She laughed with everyone else and that was when I stated loving her.
She was the strongest, funniest, most amazing and most stubborn but incredibly smart person I’ve ever met.
She wasn’t skinny or tall, she didn’t have a perfect skin or she make up and hair always on point but she was so confident that this couldn’t make you doubt of her own beauty for a second.
What a unique human being.

She was the kind of girl that was always ready to help others, it didn’t really matter if she couldn’t do that either, just the fact of being useful was enough for her.
This type of people, with this incredibly big hearth are so rare nowadays.

We liked to skip PE together.
In third class, when we were about 16 years old, we had a professor that was a total dick. He used to tell us to do some exercises he couldn’t even do, and most of the time was because he had a really big belly that impeded to do them.
We used to sit on a bench on the corner of the gym while he was showing us the exercise to do. She loved to imitate him and I always ended up laughing really hard with tears, almost rolling on the floor.
I can’t even remember how many times we got into troubles because of that.

I can’t believe she’s gone.

I don’t really talk with all of our classmates, besides a couple of them and they’re so devastated they can’t even be on the phone and this, with being a thousand of kilometers away, without hearing from them, makes it feel like it didn’t happen. I can’t even face the truth.

Every now and then I remember that such a strong, powerful and kind woman that loved life so much left us at the age of 19 when she just stated living.
Eleonora still had the whole world at her fingertips and she knew she could have it. We all knew it.

There are times in which I think: I’m such an horrible person, I do nothing for others, I’m completely useless and I spend my time complaining about how life sucks, why couldn’t it happen to me?

It wouldn’t change a lot in the world, while her absence left a enormous hole in everyone’s life. 

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