Looking for myself.

Three days ago, while I was going to work, I received a call I hoped I never ever did. It was a friend of mine, asking if I knew something about what happened. What the fuck happened? I was already quivering. She never calls, only in case of emergency and that was it. “Eleonora had a car accident this morning, she died.” Everything fell apart. Eleonora was one of my friends. We met each other six years ago, in high school. She was my very first deskmate. I clearly remember that moment: a little, shy, scared me was sitting in silence in a desk in the middle of the class. Everyone at the back was talking, saying jokes and socializing. Not me. She walked into the class with large pants, a very colorful shirt, white and pink glasses and too many rings on her hands. Her taste in fashion was so questionable you have no idea. She looked at me for a couple of seconds and then she asked if she could sit next to me. I nodded my head yes. She had the weirdest acce...

I am weird, I am completely aware of it, but I’m 100% sure I’m not the only one. People don’t change, never. They adapt themselves to the situation they’re facing but their temperament can’t be changed. They’re all so confused and incoherent. For example, I’ve been in difficult situation in one of my previous relationships and people around me kept giving me advices like “if you really care, you should try to fix this, you shouldn’t give up on people cause they’re hard to understand”. Then something went wrong and their opinion changed in “relationship should be easy, if it wasn’t maybe he wasn’t the right person” or “you shouldn’t have put this much energy into someone you knew wouldn’t be able to manage it”. Basically everything you do is wrong. They start from “don’t be selfish, help people in every way you can cause there’s someone out there that will need your help, spread love and you’ll have it when you’ll need it” and of cause it ended with “probably you shouldn’t ...