Looking for myself.

Do you know what’s the problem about being me in a relationship? I always start being really cautious, I don’t really show emotions or share things that happened to me. I look like a stone cold person, I stare at the you analyzing every moves, every gesture, every word you use. I ask you questions, I take a trip into your soul to see if I can trust you. And if I see I can do it, that’s where everything starts to be fucked up. My biggest flaw is that I spend all my time overthinking, picturing every scenario possible. I ty to predict your moves and most of the time I’m right, not because I’m incredibly smart or I have this gift but because I observe. I don’t really like people honestly, I feel like they’re all the same, everyone is unbelievably boring and predictable and that’s why I like to play with them, push them over their limits and see how they react, how they behave with me. I don’t want to see just love, I always want you to show me something else: show me you hate...

I was listening to a song, it says “I’ll wait for you cause is waiting that I always find myself, find you and find a sense if this” and in your head I kept telling yourself how wrong and toxic this is but I know that’s what I’m gonna do anyway. Cause if you find someone you think it’s worth your time, well, it just feels right. You keep hoping somehow the other person feels the same way, he might understand that not every good thing is gonna hurt you sooner or later but even if it will, it was worth trying anyway cause YOU were worth it. It never happens, fear is always bigger that love or just caring. If someone has to face a fear, it won’t be because of someone else and it’s not fair asking for it. It will happen when he’s ready, otherwise it will just get bigger and bigger and out of everyone’s control. At the same time, you’re positive that he’s gonna face the fear, it will happen for sure and for sure it won’t be with you. People keep meeting people, they fall in lov...